i'm gonna leave you.

things won't be the same after i leave.
you'll see what you've been missing.
you'll see what's been happening.

or maybe you won't.

maybe you haven't...

maybe you'll stay the same way you are now.

and maybe things will be better for you.

that would be something wouldn't it?

death

i felt death a few weeks ago.
i felt it up close for the first time.
and i feel so close to it now, i don't even know what to do anymore.

don't tell me you're sory,
i was obviously some booty call.
i was obviously just used,
and you're obviously a lie.

sorry you don't know what you feel anymore,
but i sure know what i feel.
pain.

saying sorry won't make things better.

don't come to south carolina.
stay where you live.
stay there for the rest of your life.

Soul Meets Body

everything is so fresh and beautiful.
filling my lungs with air never felt so natural,
but then again,
nothing's been this easy.
not until days ago.

i found out that i'm IN love with you,
and i couldn't help but think the whole drive home,
"is this supposed to happen this fast?"

it is.
because everything happens for a reason.
&&i was meant to be yours.
:D

this is the first day of my life,
and you're the first thing i saw.
you're the first thing i breathed in,
you're the first thing i've truly loved.

&&have you ever heard them say
"third time's the charm"?
you're my third love,
and i have an amazing feeling.

i can't believe you gave her up for me.
she's so much better in every way.
and still, you see me as the prize,
while you're they lucky winner.

you never cease to amaze me.

when i felt love with you,
i was thinking "what in the purple mountains majesty is happening to me?!"
then i realized it's because i'm in love
you may think it hard to believe, dear reader,
but it's true,
and love takes over quickly~
and it won't let go.

i hope it never lets go of us.
iloveyouaprilnecoleezell.

silence speaks. one last word.

we'll ask then question,
and you'll tell the answer.

things have changed,
and never stop changing.
i sit in the car with my knees pulled up to my chest,
gripping my ipod with all the force my hands can take.
i wish that instead of riding in a car\to a funeral,
i could be running through a field in a dark red dress.

i wish someone would follow me and snap pictures,
and capture moments filled with love and happiness.
too bad Louise is dead,
because no one's happy now.

i experienced death today,
it wasn't what i expected...
it wasn't what everyone said it was.
i saw her pale skin,
and her closed eyes.
she looked so peaceful.
she looked so happy.

people say loosing someone is hard,
but even though i miss her,
i'm not sad..
i'm not crying..
i'm not cutting..
things have changed for the better.

today i sent you a message,
and i think of what would of happened if we went with instinct,
and ended it.
i would have cried,
because i love you already,
you're easy to love,
you're easy to get along with,
you're easy to talk to.
you don't judge me anymore.

i want to live where soul meets body.

you'll never forget what it was like to be held.
to be loved.
to be longed for.

ignorance and envy is all you've come to know.

you don't think it could get worse than this, but you've never been more wrong in your life.
try to pull yourself up off the ground.
once you realized it's no use, yuo freak out.
freak out
it's all you've every been good at. once calmed down, things set in.
you finally realized you're alone, and things don't seem so bad.
things have never been better actually...

what was it like to see a dead face with your dead eyes?
was it as terrifying as you'd ever dreamed?
did you ever think it would be this easy to see your love with his eyes bulging from his head?

i've seen things you've never dreamed of.
i've seen your birh.
i've seen your death.

the things i say refuse to make sence.
my voice is cold and metalic.

things have never been better.

i'm walking on air.

there's something coming in betwen us,
it's wedging it's way into my life,
and cutting off my air supply.
and you told me nothing would tear us apart.
haha, promises, promises.

Second Chance-

&&this is my life:

let the violins play a soft, sweet melody that leaves my ears ringing,
and my head floating in the clouds.

let the piano play the sharpest keys that become distinct in the silence,
but still, somehow, seem comforting.

let the people judge me,
let me not care.

i've never been as scared to loose the most important thing i've ever recived.
you.

i've never felt as empty as i do now,
because you're not here,
you're off talking to other people,
because that's what's best.

this is my chance.

i'll tell you that i've done everything that i could possibly do to make i clear to you:
sometimes "goodbye is a second chance".

your heart beat is my favorite rythm,
and i've never felt as full as i do when your lips pressed agaisnst mine for the first time.

even now as i'm sitting here in silence,
my heart swells and the tears fall over you.

this is my one and only voice,
and i must use it wisely.

i've done the best i can,
to make you realize this is my life,
&&i hope you understand,
i'm not angry,
i'm just saying,
that sometimes goodbye is a second chance.
&&this is my chance.