heavan forbid.

it kills me to listen to that song.
the one that reminds you of me.
everytime i listen to it,
i can't help but cry.
everytime i talk to you,
i can't help but cry as soon as we hang up.

a few days ago,
we had a serious conversation.
it was about you concern for me.
a concern that i might over dose.
over you.
there's not doubt that i would.
but you told me you wern't worth it.

to you,
you may think you're worthless.
to me,
you're everything and more.

my silent tears roll down my thiin, pale cheeks,
not becoming so silent anymore.
with every sniffle,
i know it kills you,
i know you want to comfort me,
you just don't know how to.

finaly you tell me,
"i'm sorry. i didn't mean to make you upset about it."
even though you knew that i would cry on this subject.

right know,
that's all i can think about,
because i'm thinking about how i think you're mad at me.

i should really stop thinking.
because i'm just a stupid whore.

i'll stay up all night,
untill 11:11,
just to wish that one day,
you might be mine again,
i do it every night.

i want to retrace the steps we took,
like our first real conversation.
straight music, kurt cobain, and energy drinks.
all intrests,
but once we got to flirting,
i knew we wouldn't go back to talking like that,
but boy,
how i miss it.

second,
our first conversation on the phone.
it was a fun thing.
we had a few suprises,
didn't we?
our voices for one,
sound completely diffrent from what we imagined.
and even though we thought we would have alot to talk about,
we were speachless.

third,
the first time i heard you say "i love you".
it was quiet,
and i bearly heard it,
but you really said it,
and you ment it,
not doubt about it.

fourth,
our first kiss,
it was soft and sweet.
i'll never forget how your lips tenderly pressed against mine,
and how i melted into your touch.
i'll never forget how yours hands held me while we kissed,
it was a tight grip.
i'm not sure if you were trying to make it so i wouldn't fall,
because i was so nervous,
but i do know that you always pulled me closer,
like you couldn't get enough.

i miss that.
i miss you.

i miss you,
your voice,
your touch,
your smile,
your hugs,
your kisses,
when you held my hand.

and i's die if you told me you didn't love me.