Sarina's House Bitches

what's up bitches.

yes you are a bitch.

jk. but not really.

so me and sarina stayed up almost all night writing a Rywalk story. Spencer tells Ryans' secret.

o.O

shocking ain't it?

and yes Joyce. you can read it when it's done...

Anyway...

I found out that i'm not only good a making people's hair nice.

but also imitating Ryan Ross's make up.


As you saw in the picture above.

we rewatched parts of Panic at the Disco: Live in Chicago.

It was lovely.

I got new comments from Frosty.

Awww. he's a sweetie.

And when we couldn't sleep last night we named pillows and dressed them up.

Mine was a purle striped pillow that i named William.

he's sexy-fine.

:}}}}}}

Sarin named her's Jon and then we dressed them up in....

you'll never belive this...

but undies.

o.O

it was fun.

they were sarin's sexy undies.

don't tell the real Jon and William though.

and i don't know why the hell people call William Eugene Beckett Bill

it's fucking rediculos.

why can't you just say william. his name is not Bill.

you flap jack.

you-you-you-frap!!!!

that's what she said...

o.O

i like making tht face..

anyway.

sarina's sister Chirssie stopped by while i was at her house yester day.

Her and Dale came in with their children and Dale made us wear party hats.

then we put one on pug and took pictures.

o.O

it was a fun night.

at first it was fun because i slept on top of sarina while she was writing her Rywalk story.

then she moved me and i made noises

(this will be explained later my dear readers.)

then i slept ontop of William in the same postion for the rest of the night.

weird ain't it?

any way.

about them noises i was making.

me and sarina had been talking about how at meet-and-greet

brendon grabs girls asses

then debated on wheather he did it on purpose or not

but i had a dream we got meet-and-greet

i stood in between Ryan and Brendon

then brendon grabbed my ass

then my i was trying to get my meet-and-greet braclet off

i went into my back posket to get a pen, to try to get it off

and i found a note from B. Boyd The Little Cowboy.

and then we met in the back room.

not details children

that's for me to know and you to never find out.

o,O

okay. so today is good.

i just messaged you and yold you merry christmas.

you asked what i got.

a shity digital camera, perfume, and clothes (and not you).

wow. you asked me if mt brother got an x-box 360.

no he didn't

he got a wii

who fucking cares!

you said. wow.

arn't you just the cutest!

nope.

did you know i called you?

and i needed to talk to you today.

do you only talk to me when you want to.

if i call you, you don't answer.

but if you call me, you know i'll answer

your just a fucking tease!

that's all you'll ever be.

i hope you learn what it feels like.

don't get too caught up on the srings of your new guitar.

i hope you and her come down to earth one day and you relize what a fucking slutty whore she is!

and i hope you know this is going to ruin everything we had

and if i call you slow, you think i'm a meanie

well if you knew,

if you knew about everything i've ever thought about you,

who would you think the meanie was?

i'm sorry i called you slow.

i hug you

better?

much,,
teehee

wow

you've just suceeded in making me feel like an ass

this fine christmas night!

you say your night is great

and you ask: wbu?

it's bitter-sweet i answer

and you ask why it's bitter

what to do

what to do

and i tell you the truth: becuse of a carless guy who doesn't give a fuck about me or my feelings

and i know your reply

you'll want to know who the hell he is

and you do

i say it doesn't matter

because it simply doesn't

oh god. your online agian

i just said hi to you.

and my heart is soaring in hopes that you'll reply.

and finally. a few minutes you reply.

you went to see twilight last night with her.

you say your just friends.

and you say: but some things happened

my heart dies

some things happen between you and her all the time!

this shouldn't bother me right now, because i know you'll hate each other in a few days.

so why is it bothering me like it is?

i asked you: what kinds of things

and you say: does your mom look on your myspace.

me: nope! i'm mommy free!

you have no idea how much i want to kill you right now.

wow!

either your a slow typer

or your just being a fucking tease.

and these were you exact words

okay....
handjob:)
we made out:D
and i found my true feelings for her;)

oh, don't you know how happy i am for you!

i'm glad you found someone that you love.

what are your true feelings for her and that you'll never love me.

so now i'll try to clear up the fact that your telling me that you and her called the title of

friends with benifits

that's just lovely.

you know how much i love to hear about your relationship with her.

and the fact that me and her are really good friends.

and you say this as if it means nothing to you:

nah
we're actually dating now

you have no fucking idea how much i want to kill you right now!

now you tell me you've been dating her since last night.

i'll tell you eveything about me.

but when it comes to you, it's a mystery

merry christmas.

i'm being a pesimist arn't i?

what ever.

i hope you have a great christmas, getting hand jobs and makeing out with her.

i'll sit her heart broken

with no oen to love

there seems to be a problem in this set list!

for the moment being, i don't care

for the moment being, there's nothing to care for

for the love of god, put some clothes on

good feeling gone

you just called me and you said that you missed me

it just ruined my day

you asked

what's up?

nothing.

did you have fun last night?

it was okay.

are you mad at me?

i could never be mad at you.

well you don't sound okay

well i'm fine

well i have to go. i love you, buddy. bye!

then you hung up. before i said goodbye

and our conversation only consisted of 10 seconds.

now i know we have issues with each other.

remember when we were really good friends.

remember when we could hold hands and skip around river banks zoo by ourselves?

but now things are diffrent

you love me

but not like that

you love her like i wish you loved me.

i'll try to let go for your sake.

buddies

so last night you messaged me and said

*meet me outside of your bedroom window*

*when?*

*10 minutes. be there or be gay*

you helped me climb out of my window, then we just walked up and down the street.

it's every so often that we'd do this and it's not the first time.

do you remember the first time?

*cut*

we walked down a road which i had never been before. you held my hand as we walked through the woods, careful to make sure i didn't fall.

but i did fall. i fell hard for you.

*cut*

i'm will to bet that you havn't even noticed becuase your so caught up in post-break up.

but i don't matter.

i'll always be your buddy

*cut*

and nothing more.

nothing more.

i hope you'll know that i love you more than i love myself.

a love like that is hard to come by.

and most of the time unnoticed.

and unapreciated.

do you remember how you used to hug me everyday?

when was the last time you hugged me?

when was the last time you even waved at me

or told me about your problems?

do you remember the last time you held me when i cried?

or the last time someone called you short and i stood up for you.

notice how i've stopped.

notice how i'm (hopefully) slowly letting go.

i love you always

mmmmkay.

*so how was your day?*

an hour later

*good. i'm signing off. i love you*

if you really loved me, you would have replied when i sent this message to you. yep. the guy i love. i refuse to use his name or tell anyone. he doesn't like me any way. he'll always know me as Kenny's sister.

a week ago, you said we would be best friends forever. you even typed it out instead of saying bffs.

but were are you now? now that i'm sad, and tears begin briming over the egde. well, i'm over the edge now.

still waiting for you to reply to the

*hey. can you talk right now?*

i sent you two days ago.

you make me cry all the time. but your just a normal guy anyway. so why should you be able to make my heart soar. to have this surepnatural grip on my heart. to have a wack control over my emotions, knowing just the right words to say to make my heart swell, or to make my cry.

cry

baby

cry

i would burn the city down to show you the light.

i love you.

but whatever.

it doesn't matter.

do i?

did i ever?

nope. and who would ever love me like i love you?

nobody. well, yeah. nobody.

i just got a comment for the fanfiction i sent you two years ago.

and this is what you said

*that's dumb*

only two words.

two insulting words.

do you remember when you used to hug me every day.

do you remember when you used to kiss my cheek when i cried.

or when i ruined your shirt last yearbecause of the trouble i got in.

or when we got caught smoking in your room.

no.

you don't.

because frankly, if you did, you would have called me when i told you how upset i was when he hit me.

oops. i never told anyone about that.

but the thing i never told anyone is that *he* is you.

yeah, your just a guy.

people will tell me: your stupid to be upset over him.

i am

it's really gay

i apologize.

but your not gay. your perfect.

too perfect for me.

whatever.

Looking Over My Shoulder

Do you know what it feels like to have somebody looking over your shoulder all the time?

it's scary.

do you know what it's liked to feel like nobody has feelings for you

or ever will?

or do you know what it feels like to think you only have have one friend who will stand by you and never let go?

i'm feeling like that right now. no particular reason. i'm glad i have a blog to dump all of this on. i'm glad i don't feel guilty about it either.

ever heard of the big green monster called jealousy?

i haven't seen him in years. am i that out of touch with my emotions? i must me. this is really were sanity meets it's loss. it's downfall.

anyway. this is a (not in my opinion) lovely Monday. the sun is shinning and i'm sitting inside. out of the light. the blackout shades are down and the Underoath plays on repeat.

is my life really this bad. even though i'm young of age i already feel as if i am decomposing.

blah blah blah your needs.

blah blah blah

do
you
have
any
beer
on
tap
?
?
?

i hate to be the one to bring the bad news
yes it is true
i finaly fell in love

i relized it as i was messaging him on myspace

he's just out of a relationship though

what to do...what to do?

yesssss
gir
i know he doesn't like me either
so what's the god damn point???

so this is where sanity meets loss?
i thought it would be so much quicker than this

yeah, i just got home. my friend doesn't answer her phone.
i dail christian and he answers.
yeah, he's dating codi.
codi who?
who fucking cares?
nobody does
so just keep talking your shit
your only makeing me famous
you igneramous!

stop the hate
congradulate
you know my name
so eat some cake!

yeah.
whatever
words
mean
nothing
now



do
you
have
any
beer
on
tap

sarina
answer the god damn phone
WTFWJD????

take a deep breath and watch the Wizard of Oz
you'll get through it
we all will

yeah
sure
piss of happy people

i relize i just posted one
yeah
your point?

did you know that the wizard of oz was a boook written in the fifties?
yeah
i didn't

Dorthy's slippers were really silver

yeah
yeah
yeah
does anyone know how to spell Dorothy
or do i have to go through the credits to the movie
my brother is a flapjack
a fucking flapjack

so your reading now

at least you can read, otherwise, you wouldn't be here
i'm old fashioned
books are the bomb
i love the wizard of oz which i watched 3 times in a row last night
books are the bomb hint hint William Shakespeare
i love the internet
i love live journal
slash is sick nasty and not for the faint hearted
hold onto good thoughts
you'd be a moron not to
i enjoy panic at the disco
and screamo music, now you may not be able to listen to it but i quit enjoy it
your gay is you insult homosexuals
i sneer at homophobia; it's gay and so are you

i love my bffl sarina
i love love love love her!!!
i like blogs, even though most people don't read them
yeah whatever
scars
converses
music
your mom
nuff said